everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
