Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
