the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
