You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
