I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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