i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
bring money and cleavage
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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