I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
