I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize