her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
