I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize