Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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