I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
