Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
