through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
