This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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