Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
