Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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