I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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