so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
