i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
