Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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