listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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