Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
