my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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