My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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