I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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