If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
