You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
