Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
