I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
we're so committed to being not committed
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
