Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
