I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do vagina's smell?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
