Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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