Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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