Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
