i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
