dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize