that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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