how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
