it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
