it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my shit smells like andre
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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