is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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