best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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