sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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