Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
