god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize