Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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