kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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