I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
