take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I want to be your penis for a week.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize