I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
