the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
