i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
