Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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