dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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