I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
