So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
