This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
