just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
