you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
