Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this boner is exhausting
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
