We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
