ya dads aren't the best wingmen
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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