so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
