Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
