Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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