I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
