.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
