I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
pray to the hookup gods
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
