Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
