I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
