The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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