Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
