please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize