I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
