and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
