i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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