i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
