Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
