I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize