People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Gay?
German.
Pity.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
