I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
