I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
