I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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