Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
