found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
