shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
