dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
