because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
