im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The power of my boobs compel you
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize