i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
