Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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