So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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