woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
