smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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