just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
