i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize