My liver just broke up with me...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
