last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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