i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
