he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
