Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
