i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
