She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
