We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
