but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize