dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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