you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
